You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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