I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
