something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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