my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
