U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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