it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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