my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
