Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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