I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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