..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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