Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
