I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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