he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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