evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
