Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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