She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
