Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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