There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
