you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
