Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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