I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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