I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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