cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
