things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
