it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
