so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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