y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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