Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
