not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
