i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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