I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
