Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
