you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
