Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we're making bets on your personal life
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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