I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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