My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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