Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The best revenge is premature balding
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
