I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
