i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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