you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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