The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
