Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
