My friends, they love my intelligence
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
