Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
