oh god the rape fog is back!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
