my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
only you would photoshop your dick
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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