I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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