Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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