i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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