i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
