dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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