awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
