Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
