There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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