The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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