I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
