Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
