You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
