My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
