that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
