dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
