No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
