You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
