just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
