I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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