You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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