wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
