Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Enjoy the penises
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
