I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
