What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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