As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
