Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So squirting runs in the family.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize