You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
